UPDATE!

Well hello there!

I haven't written on here in ages... oops. I needed a break from everything, to digest what happened last year and of course to settle into uni. That's right, I left my beautiful homeland of Northern Ireland and moved to Sheffield. It's wonderful here and I've met so many beautiful, banterful people. 

My time here hasn't been the easiest so far to say the least. The day my mum left was awful, truly just horrible. I have never cried so much over leaving someone, mum and I were weeping messes in the train station but only 2 more weeks and I'll get to see my parents again and all the people I love at home. YAY! My drink also got spiked the other night, not a great experience as I ended up in hospital the next day but hey ho, learned the hard way didn't I? I spent the night feeling awful and very, very home sick. I cried like a baby and just needed to be hugged by someone close, my flat mates and one of the girls on my course took very good care of me, I've very grateful to have them. It hasn't been easy but, no one ever said it would be. 

The 3 weeks I have spent here though, have had some amazing benefits to me, it hasn't all been hard! The people here are just amazing, very welcoming and kind. I've made so many friends that I would never have met if I didn't move. I'm starting to realise that I did the right thing in taking a gap year and picking Youth and Community Work as I'm really enjoying my course, especially the aspects I thought I wouldn't enjoy. Assignments and assessments are a bit scary but, that comes with the university experience. 

I feel like I'm in the right place to be discovering what comes next. I'm finding out what I really value and want in life, sound really old, but reflecting on my time here so far, I think I've grown a wee bit, taken more independence, responsibility and particularly, grown up a fair bit. Having to take care of yourself when you feel ill is really hard if you haven't done it before! Cooking, every day, doing your own washing and ironing, cleaning dishes, changing bedsheets, cleaning your room and adding a personal touch. It's hard but I've got through it and I'm proud of myself. I've got the drinking out of my system now, I'll go out when my friends are going out but to be honest, I want to remember my nights out. I want to do well in my degree and become a great youth worker - nothing is going to stop me from doing that now, I've got my game face on. Prepare yourselves.

Happy Ever After (Part 1)

My gap year is officially over! I graduated on the 7th July with the most amazing bunch of people I could have ever met. It was a truly beautiful day, but more on that later. The last 2 weeks of my gap year consisted of Summer Madness '13 in Glenarm, Northern Ireland and in Sheffield, England (where graduation happened). 

Summer Madness is a festival held over the space of 5 days, 4 nights. We were there for 9 days. It is a Christian festival where there is worship held in a huge tent called the 'big top' every morning and evening, there are also cafes situated across the grounds where speakers may come in or mostly acoustic musicians come in and play, there is also a place called info point where there are also exhibitions and books being sold. This is where people show their stuff like Belfast Bible College, blood donation people etc, then there are 2 seminar tents where speakers do, well... seminars. It's a whole bunch of fun and I think there was about 2,000 people there, I'm not sure so don't hold me to it! Loads of people committed their life to God while they were there which was amazing, it brings me joy that people are still committing their lives to God and fingers crossed they get the support they need to continue their journey. 

The first four days of SM13 was setting up, a lot of hard work. I have to say we had a great team of leaders who gave us direction very well and were always happy to give you more jobs to do, but hey, that's what we were there for. We also had a great team of volunteers who worked hard (most of the time) and were also great banter to be around. God was always in the conversation and it's really awesome to be around so many people who want to talk about Jesus, discuss what He did in His ministry, ask the tough questions and also support and pray for each other. We had a great morning away in Ballymena swimming pool, it was so much fun to just spend time with the team and have some silly fun. Then came the festival and the campers. Worship in the big top was amazing, totally got lost in it and connected with God in such a great way that I hadn't been able to outside of my home church and Romania. The speakers were so engaging, don't know how long they spoke for because they kept me interested and challenged me! I also received prayer which was really great, God spoke into my life through the prayer ministry team so I was well happy with that. I was sad to be leaving the team at SM13 but it was a really great experience and I will certainly be back. 

When God does such an intense amount of work in you during a period of 9 days, it's hard to slack in your faith. I've realised that I have a lot of changes to make to my life and God gets that I'm not perfect but who's to say I can't aim to do the best I can for God? God gets me, He gets that I'm not perfect and knows I'll fail a lot of times before I can change my ways. God is good, in fact He's great. 

Our God, is a great big God (clap, clap)! 

To be continued...  

MVI Youth Works - My 7 months

It's that time. Good-byes happen, the turning of the next page is almost complete. 

So much has happened in the past 7 months and I cannot possibly begin to imagine it any different from what it has been. A lot of change has happened with MVI and I'm glad Phil and I got to see the re-branding of what was Fringe Youth Works. Right in the centre is God. The solid foundation of what happens in each step they take, it's so encouraging to be around people who believe God has a divine plan for everyone, have a passion for the young people in Monkstown and to see His kingdom there. God is good and I will pray for MVI Youth Works, that God will continue to provide everything they need, especially volunteers who have a calling to the area. 

Our work was changing and developing right through till the end. We started off solely doing youth work but then expanded into doing work with children from Hollybank Primary School which aims to build meaningful relationships from a younger age and gain their trust, that we have their best interests at heart. I think this is a fantastic way to engage fully in the community, starting with the young, as they are the area's future. It's been great to be silly with the primary school kids and I've built some great relationships and had fantastic conversations about God and life in general. It's a privilege to be able to bring even a little part of Jesus into their lives because now they know at least a little part of God's love. I've really enjoyed working with the secondary school young people as well, the conversations have been silly and they've been serious. I've learned a lot from them, what is normal and how much they need Jesus in their lives, I wish I could have brought more of Jesus to them. I know faith is actions, not just words but part of me now wishes I had told them more of my experience of God's love and grace. 

I can't explain in words how great the team is at the centre, not just talking about the youth work team but everyone. Such a great bunch of people hungry for God and want to see a positive input into the area. I really appreciate their warm welcome onto the team and cannot thank them enough for their willingness to take us on. Moving onto the youth work side of the team though. Steve our line manager has been of amazing help this year, he's helped me to grow so much over the past year and I cannot thank him enough for that. He has helped prepare me for uni next year, whether he knows it or not, I have thoroughly enjoyed his banter and of course his skills on comic song improvisation! Ben, who is also a youth worker in the centre (sorry don't really know how else to describe you!) has also be a great help this year, was a real trooper when I kept pestering him about stuff for uni! Much banter was had and I hope he doesn't fall down the stairs without Phil or I there because I would feel super bad if he did! (Wee personal joke there). Ben (if you're reading) I hope you have the best wedding and honeymoon, may God bless you and Nicole in your journey together! The army of volunteers: Claire, Colin, Reece, Reuben, Chris and David have been great to have around this year too each of them have the patience of a saint and are great fun to be around, thank you guys for being there, it's been great to get to know you. 

I think I've written enough for now but I guess you may be able to tell that as I reflect on my time in MVI Youth Works, it has been pretty darn good. It'll take a while to set in and digest in my head but it has been one heck of a journey that I'll never forget.

Love you guys!

Charlotte x

1 Week Left

One week left! How quickly has my time in Monkstown gone?! 

I have to say it's been a mixed experience, I've been blessed so much during this year and yet it's been super challenging at the same time. Definitely been tons of trials but I've learned a lot about grace and provision during this time. 

I have been personally challenged, my view on things have had to change, not for my sake but for others sake. I have this thing where I can just destroy something for myself completely and shut down everything about it that is good and draw out only the bad, I've done that a few times this year. I've run away from difficult situations because I hate facing the fact that I might be wrong, I've wanted to quit so many times but I haven't and I'm glad I didn't. 

Perseverance is another thing, when the going gets rough, persevere. It'll all be worth it in the end, the tears, the emotions, they're all worth it. This longest run isn't the one that's made the most impact though. Romania was the one that has made the most impact. I don't think I could go through life the way I had been now. Seeing the poverty but the gratefulness of having someone to talk to, even if very briefly because of the language barrier, or to crochet with is amazing. You value not just possessions more but time. When you have no TV (in your language), no internet in the house, no central heating and monotonous food, you find joy in other ways. Spending time with people, talking about everything and anything, playing card games, chopping fire wood (mostly the boys!), reading, doing your nails with the other girls, watching the same movie several times (Tangled!) and just enjoying each others presence in the most comfortable way you can imagine, it's great. 

 

Don't get me wrong, Monkstown has been a great experience and I've learned a lot of valuable lessons about real life here but Romania was so different, refreshing actually. Even though difficult at times, my heart longs to go out somewhere again, maybe Romania, maybe Peru or maybe even Thailand. I don't know where I'll end up in summer 2014 but I hope I end up somewhere apart from Northern Ireland! 

 

Sorry it's been a bit over the place but I'm just rambling, congrats if you got this far! :) 

 

Charlotte x 

Missions Week

I was blessed to spend a week in Newcastle, England with a few of the other Xplore people, what a week it was!

We went over to do a Kids Club in St. Paul's which is an old Church building, no longer a church due to no congregation. Aoife was an amazing organiser and I wouldn't have pulled it off half as well as she did, so thank you Aoife for being an amazing person in general. 

Day 1 consisted of us travelling a lot and then attending Sunday celebration, thankfully it wasn't too hectic and we were able to chill out with some kids and their families. We got dinner there which was lovely and then headed home for some rest.

Day 2 was just getting stuff ready and getting the hall set up for the club to start the next day, it ended up looking pretty well and we had fun making stuff and what not, although the army net things smelt a bit and we're super dusty but we got over that very quickly. Our setting up was over before we knew it so we went home and had dinner then Phil, Pete and I went outside to kick a football about and talk for a while, altogether a good evening. 

Day 3 consisted of kids club, twice. A nice number of kids turned out to it and we had a lot of fun being silly with the kids. At the end of the day it's for them, and telling them about God and that's the reason we're there. The kids were such a blessing to be around and their energy gave me energy! After 2 kids clubs we were pretty tired so rested for the rest of the night! 

So day 4 turned out a bit different than what we had intended it to be as the weather was bad so unfortunately we couldn't run our sports day which was outside. Instead we went to Walking With which is a food bank run by St. Luke's church who help asylum seekers. We met some really cool people and I was touched by their ability to speak in such a positive way when it seems like they have nothing. A guy was telling us how much we should be thankful of little things and it really gets you thinking about everything we have and just take for granted! It was a super fun day and I was so happy we got the opportunity to go there because it was just amazing. Phil, Pete and I also went to go see Hangover 3 which was really good and we had a nice wee walk there and back too.

Another full on day came along for day 5, the last day of kids club which was really good. It worked out really well and the kids seemed to enjoy it! I did a drama at the night time session with the children and it was really good to see them act out the story of the lost sheep, I just hope they understood it and got something from it! That night we went to Aoife's mentors house for dinner which was really good and I was so stuffed after it and also super tired but still managed to stay up to 12:30am! 

Today was the best day of mission week I think, on a socializing note. We went to the coast which was warm for about 1/2 hour but then got cold so we went home at about 2:30pm and then sun bathed in the garden for about 2 hours which was so relaxing and just what we needed. Everyone was less stressed about the kids club and it was just great fun to hang out with the Xplore family! They're super good for your soul, I recommend them! 

Over all I've had an amazing week filled with laughter, children but most of all God. A presence was with me the whole week, while we were laughing, while we were stressed, while we were tired and while we were working. God was in our midst and it was great! I've come out of this tired but refreshed, I cannot wait to see everyone in 3 weeks time. For now, it's back to working in Monkstown in the final stint of our year. How quick has it gone in?! I'll definitely miss this bunch of crazy Christians! 

Charlotte x

Provision

Today has been great for both body and spirit. 

I started off with getting some stone therapy done by my friend for her final assessment of this year. I was traveling from Bangor (roughly 12 miles) and as I pulled into Titanic Quarter Belfast my petrol light came on. Would have been fine if I had my purse with me, but I didn't. I then discovered that there is absolutely no free parking in the Titanic Quarter, BMC parking is cheap but when you have £1.30 in your car, it's not so cheap when it's £1 per hour. I went in and got my amazing stone therapy and relaxed for a while but then came out and prayed, "God please let me find some money in the car or on the street, PLEASE God let me find it!" I didn't manage to find any money on the street and I went over to the kiosk to check if it was really £2 and it was. As I was walking back to the car 2 men walked over to pay for their tickets and I noticed they were paying with notes. They payed and started to walk away, as I mustered up the courage to say, "Sorry, do either of you have 70p to spare?" One of the men said, "Come here" and dropped £1 into my hand. I was so thankful and felt like people are good, but most of all, God is good. As I was praying on the way home thanking God for the provision I was also praying that the petrol would last me till I got home, and it did.

"For whoever asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

-Matthew 7:8

When we have nothing, God becomes our everything. We have only Him to rely on and He works within that. Forgetting my purse was the best thing I could have done today. I felt like it was a Dad looking after his little girl, dropping everything for her and never leaving her scared, without an exit or abandoning her. I was bailed out yet again. God is constant in His love and grace, and it will never cease to amaze me. Bringing a stranger into my life to just give me £1 in His name is enough for me. I want to need God more, everyday. Not just when I really need help, I need to lean on Him in everything. Am I willing to leave everything else behind to truly rely on Him for everything? He works within our brokenness and keeps on creating new hope and peace.

Charlotte x

Mothers Day!

Happy mothers day to all UK mums! Today is a day to celebrate our mums- how much we love them and appreciate everything they've done for us. Your mum may be present or not, but I'm sure we can all celebrate one woman who has done so much for us and been there the whole way through. 

Mums and daughters have a very special relationship, they seem to get through thick and thin. It's just a woman thing! I know this because my mum and I haven't always been the best of friends, we've had our fights but that's natural and life goes on. I'll always love her because she's my mum and knows me better than any other person on earth. She's motivated me, told me when I'm being stupid, reassured me in my time of trouble, loved me, nursed me, been completely and utterly silly with me and brought me up to be the young woman I am today. I'm very lucky to have a mum who has loved me and brought me this far through my life while dealing with my rubbish! 

I want to look into a mother in the Bible, Naomi. Both her sons died, her husband had died and she had no daughters, apart from her two daughter-in-laws (Orpha and Ruth). She urged them to go back to their people and their Gods, they both protested and eventually Orpha gave up but Ruth clung to Naomi and was loyal to her. They headed back to Bethlehem together, nothing separating them. Naomi was deeply distraught as she had just lost both her sons and said, "The LORD's had has turned against me!"

When they reach Bethlehem, Ruth takes care of Naomi by collecting leftover grain from the fields. Naomi now calls Ruth her daughter as she has been so loyal to her. As a mother would be, Naomi is worried about Ruth's safety when gathering the grain from the fields and she expresses this in chapter 2:22 when she finds out she is gathering from Boaz's field, "It will be good for you, my daughter, to go with the women who work for him, because in someone else's field you might be harmed."

In chapter 3 we see Naomi caring even further for Ruth by wanting to find her a home where she will be well provided for, Naomi knows Boaz (as he is a relative) would be a good suitor for Ruth, so she sets them up... basically, "Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes." Good advice Naomi! This seems to work although due to tradition, he is not the closest relative that could redeem the land, also acquiring Ruth in the process, so if the closer one doesn't want to then he says he surely will... result! Ruth reports back to Naomi all that Boaz said probably with much excitement and nervousness as you can imagine.  

In chapter 4 we see that the closer relative wants the land but when it comes to having to take on Ruth too, he's not for it! I bet at this point Boaz was happy that he could have the land and Ruth. They have a child, Obed, who was then taken care of be Naomi and was such a blessing to her and sustained her in her old age. 

The story of Naomi and Ruth is truly amazing. Even though Naomi was not Ruth's biological mother, Ruth stayed loyal to her and refused to go back to her home land. As a result of this, Naomi made sure Ruth was taken care of and found a good husband, gave her advice and supported her through it. She never left her on her own or to sort out stuff herself, she was fully involved in Ruth's life. Naomi took in Ruth's son, Obed and raised him as her own. I think both mothers and daughters can take in much from this passage. Mothers-in-law too! Loyalty is key in this relationship but also just going through girly stuff like boyfriends and how to basically impress a guy! I think this is a great story, one that people should pay more attention to and look into more!

I hope all mums had a fantastic day today, and got treated very well by their children!

Charlotte :)

Praise You in the Storm

When trials come our way, what do we do? Our fight or flight instinct kicks in. I ask this question first of all to get your own view of yourself before I continue, do you run? Or do you fight? Got it?

Okay, reading from James 1:2-4. History first. James is clearly the guy who wrote this to the 12 tribes that had been scattered among the nations, these were Jewish Christians. A little on James himself, he didn't believe until after Jesus' resurrection, he later becomes a leader of a church in Jerusalem and he was in charge of the Jerusalem council. There's our man James. 

James states, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." That is the opening verse to this little sections. What the flip?! James... what are you on about. Joy, in trials? But, there is a reason why he is saying this. It develops your character and certain aspects of your personality. Persevering through something is to push through it, just keep going! Spiritually, this will make you more mature. You would be as it states in Mark 4:8, "good soil." You do not want to fade away at the first sign of trouble, does that show that you had any faith to start of with? 

As we go through trials, we should have a support network, people we can truly trust. Without these people, trials become harder and yet, why don't we lean on God as much as humans? Don't get me wrong, people are great! Really super and if you can have people to pray with you that's fantastic and maybe, that's God providing for your spiritual needs in times of trial. I'm interested that in Romans 5:3 it says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance..." It then lists other characteristics that develop from perseverance. This is clearly a message worth hearing! If you persevere then you'll reap the rewards of it afterwards, therefore, be glad in your suffering! 

This may be a difficult pill to swallow and I know for a fact that when something goes wrong it's hard to feel the Father's embrace, but He is there. With perseverance you'll develop your character and as it says in Romans, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us.

 

Oh January...

Well, I guess this is my after Christmas update on my gap year. 

On the 7th January 2013 we all traveled to Sheffield to have a gathering and some teaching, actually, a lot of teaching! This was with Peter Farmer who I had previously met and Tom Slater. This was on pioneering mission and simple/organic churches. I learned a lot from this and it was amazing to get some practical evangelism done rather than just studying how to do it without any practice. After this teaching, Matt Wilson from Eden Network came and talked to us about Eden then got us a tour of one of their bases in Sheffield called Firvale. This was a really good experience and I have certainly learned from this too as I have never seen anything like what they are doing before. I especially liked the tent makers thing where you go and live and work a normal job in the area you're reaching out to rather than being temporary and at the end of the work day going back to your middle class house. Very, very interesting. 

At the end of our time in Sheffield I was very sad to be leaving the rest of the team behind with the feeling of community, banter and late night chats. It was like Romania again, except in England! I love each one of these beautiful people and all of their wonderful personalities. They have been such a blessing in my life for these past 4 months which seems short but in reality we only have 5 months (including February) left on our gap year, super scary! 

On returning to Monkstown I have moved in with a new family who are ever so kindly keeping me for the rest of the year! This is such an answer to prayers that have been said by myself and other members of Xplore as they know how unsettled I was about having to move every 5 weeks or so and not know where I would be next! All I can do is praise God for this wonderful family he has introduced me to. With a new timetable coming up I'm hoping to be more settled within myself and to return to being fully into this gap year as to be honest after the Christmas period and Sheffield I didn't have the right mindset to be coming in all guns blazing never mind having the cold for several weeks now. I did become alarmed about my chest at one point and so had to go to the doctor but you can read about that in my hospital experience blog! I have once again got the cold! I'm really hoping this is the last of it and I won't have to deal with it for any longer than a week. I was getting better but boom. I'm struck again with the cold. All I can be thankful for is that it's not norovirus eugh. 

January has been a month of ups and downs and the occasional turn around, February is going to bring new things. Lots of planning and preparation to do for certain things, planning outreach into the community is a biggie for Phil and I but we'll manage. I just need to get a lot of rest in order for my body to recover from this bout of sickness. 

Thank you to everyone who is supporting me through this year through prayer and fellowship. I greatly appreciate it :)

Charlotte x

Not thinking

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Time.

In. Out. In. Out. Breathe.

Right. Left. Right. Left. Walk.

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Heartbeats. 

These things, we don't have to think about them. It's not hard to do. What else happens without us thinking? Habits. Good or bad? Stop. Don't let it find you. 

Negative. Negative. Negati- NO! 

 Positive.

The bad always comes to your head before the good does. If we are to keep going and stay somewhat on track, what help is it to go straight to the negative? 

Shadow. It's always going to be there to find you. There's no sugar coating it. Waiting to consume you. Simple answer, keep yourself in the light. 

The shadow is negative. The light is positive. Makes sense right?

Your choice.

The Hospital Experience.

Do you know what it feels like to be completely struck by fear? Fear of not knowing. 

If you ever visit the doctor it's because you don't know what's wrong with you and you want to know. You may have a fair idea but really if it seems minor to you then you don't expect to be sent to A&E. This is what happened to me today.

I go along to the open surgery in my GP in Bangor, I'm there from 8:15am I just plan on getting an antibiotic or some advice for my chest pain. Little did I know the news that awaited me. I go into the GP's office and explain my symptoms, shortness of breath, pain in my right side when I breathe in, dry cough etc. The doctor listens to my chest. Nothing. Pokes at my side where it's sore. Nothing. Takes my pulse and it's 94. You might have a blood clot in your lung. Your heart is racing and you are showing all the signs of having one, I'm sending you to A&E. The GP types out the letter for the A&E doctors. When I got out of the office I was panicking, on the verge of crying, then I read the letter. At the top it says, "Urgency: STAT - see patiant ASAP." This is when I go into full scale panic mode. I start crying as I'm driving my car home. I wonder what my body is doing. What caused this? 

I arrive home, crying. First thing I do is go into my mum and dad:
"Can one of you take me to A&E please?" 
"Why? What's wrong?"
"The doctor said I might have a blood clot." 

All of what I say is through my tears, sheer panic and what would happen if I actually had a blood clot? This can be fatal, I could potentially die from this. I immediately went for the worst because I didn't know how to deal with it. Mum cancels her plans for the day and takes me up to A&E. 

I don't have to wait long to be seen because I was "urgent." They took my blood pressure, pulse and temperature. Pulse is still unusually high but blood pressure and temperature are fine. I get ordered an ECG - the nurse described it as a heart rate scan. So now they think it's something to do with my heart? I'm losing all hope of actually being well at this point. There must be something wrong and I don't know what I'll do if there is. I've never had something wrong with me before. I get my ECG and they tell me nothing after it's been done, they even take 2 while they're there. I'm sent to the waiting room again. After a short wait I'm taken into another cubical with a proper bed, this time they want to take my blood, I've never had a blood test either so I told the doctor all about what I was doing this year to distract myself. After this I was sent for a chest X-ray to see if there was anything they could see wrong my ribs, lungs or heart. After this there was a long wait for results in the waiting room. Everything is running through my mind, what happens if I do have something wrong with my lungs or heart? What happens then? Or what if there's nothing wrong, this has all been a waste of time. Blood results take about 1 hour 20 mins. My name is called, I see tablets sitting on the table, crap. This can't be good. I look closer, Paracetamol and Ibuprofen. Hm. The doctor tells me that everything is fine, no sign of infection or blood clot and my ECG results are fine. Biggest relief in my life so far. She tells me I've pulled muscles in my ribs, so just where its sore and to take pain killers to make life more comfortable. 

I text and let people know I'm okay. It's okay. False alarm. I had a whole bunch of people praying for me while I was in hospital, and I appreciate that. I thank God that I'm okay. I jumped to the negative when the doctor said, "blood clot." All I know is that they can kill you. And that's it. It's serious. I can't deal with that. But, God's bigger. God's a healer. I prayed for protection through each examination. And clearly, prayer works.






 

Reality

She's back. She hopes it's for good but she has her doubts. The shadow is chasing her but her bailer sticks by her. The bailer has this book he's written, some call it The Word. On her phone, she gets this book. Opens the app, sees a plan. Prayer sticks out. She looks at the plan. Sees a book, it's named after a man called Matthew. Strange for a book to be given a human name. A specific point in this book talks about this word prayer. It tells her how to do it. The way that will honor her bailer. "It is simple," she thinks to herself. It'll help her. 

She prays. She finds herself in a conversation with her bailer. She feels a fizz in her body, cascading down her spine. This frightens her but a small voice in her head whispers gently, "it's me!" She feels reassured and continues to talk to her bailer. 

As she continues in every day life, she has hurdles to jump over. The bailer lets her jump them but is quick to pick her up when she stumbles and falls on one. These hurdles, they aren't normal. They're black and red. Not only do they look dark but they have an uneasy feel about them. The shadow lingers around the hurdles, waiting for her to stumble. It'll consume her again if she can't get up. She's persevering. Running the race. The bailer carries her when she gets tired or if she falls. Only if she lets him.

The Cell Story.

In a prison cell, crippled on the floor by an uneasy shadow. 

I know I need to stop. Am I ready yet? I know my bailer. He's waiting at my cell door. He knocks and opens it. Arms wide, welcoming and forgiving. Can I get up? Can I take those vital steps into his arms? I've decided before, I can't and shut the door in his face. Now, he patiently waits outside, knocking every so often, but this time he's waiting, opened the door beckoning me forward, encouraging me, "Come on child, I'll release you." 

I'm a child, scared. I have that feeling in my chest, shocks run through my as I look into my bailer's eyes. They look on me with compassion, sorrow for seeing a child crippled by a shadow. This dark growth on her, he saw it increase and now, even the shadow fears the bailer. The bailer is wearing pure white, glowing as the sunlight hits him and shocks my pupils as they adjust to the light. Darkness had consumed this child. She stands up to make her first few steps, she struggles, she falls. The shadow trys to come into the light but it stings the shadow. There cannot be darkness in the light. The child takes steps towards the bailer. She embraces him and he's walking her out of the jail, slowly. She won't get shocked or panicked but eased back into reality. Once she reaches outside, she sees people walking around with the exact same bailer - he's everywhere! 

She drifts, he guides. Gently steering her shoulders along the path.