Who needs help?

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but those who are ill."

There couldn't be a more true statement really. The guy who said this was Jesus. This was in response to the Pharisees asking why Jesus was eating with sinners. I wonder if people ever think this of me. In fact I know people do. They wonder why I work with kids who are "bad." Well, do you want me to just go where I'm not really providing anything for anyone ? The people I'm working with are the ones who need it! 

I am actually loving my work here. I'm now over the awkward getting to know the youth stage and actually, some of them have started to talk to me about important stuff rather than just how they fancy this boy or she's been mean to her. I love hearing anything they have to say but it's really great when you can be that ear that'll listen, to a young girl who is crying out for someone to talk to, she may need a little bit of a push but really, when she gets talking the true feelings just come out. 

I guess the saying, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is true. My apple has to be the Bible to keep me anchored. I know for a fact, if I don't read the Bible I'll start to stray. The only way I find I can stay on track is to read the bible every day. Even if it's just a verse! I love to have a thought from the Bible that keeps me going every day. This verse reminds me why I'm here. Why I'm working with these young people! I'm not saying I'm the answer to all their problems but if I can be of help to even one young girl this year, that's enough for me. How ever many girls God gives me to be an ear to listen to, I'm willing to listen and invest in.

Charlotte x  

What fills your mind?

Think.Think.Think.Think.

What are you thinking about as you read this sentence, GO, I dare you to search your own mind. What's really going on in there? 

I recently looked into what I thought about myself. It turns out not very much. It's part of a Bible reading plan I'm doing, fining my own worth. Since Romania, I have gained weight and that I am not comfortable with, I have never been comfortable with gaining weight even if it seems healthy. This is what I'm reminded of every day, I look in the mirror and I see what I've done to myself. "Get yourself back." That's what my head is saying. My heart is saying, "Charlotte, God loves you no matter what. You know this so stop saying these things to yourself and see that you have worth." Apparently my heart can be right sometimes.

Many thoughts go through our heads each day. What is your dominant thought? Is it money? Sex? God? Your partner? I don't know what you're thinking but I'm asking you, if you dare, search yourself. You'll find some really interesting, maybe encouraging, maybe discouraging stuff. You'll see things you won't see unless you really, really search. Become friends within yourself, you'll see where you need to improve, where you need to find confidence, where you is really you.

I'm working on it. I'm really working on it. I've discovered that I want to be toned, not skinny. Healthy looking, not like I have an eating disorder. People always used to remark on how skinny I was. My dance teacher told me I was too skinny once. I never gained weight. Now I have and I don't know how to deal with it but I am and I know God loves me just as I am. 

I guess my message is that God loves you no matter what your head is filled with. You just need to search your heart and find if you have captured God's heart in your thoughts, if not then maybe that's something that needs work. Just my opinion.

Many night time thoughts,

Charlotte x    

 

Week 1: Town of the monks.

Well, I've been here almost a week now and life in Monkstown is very different to life in glorious Bangor. To be honest I'm enjoying living away from home, it feels like I've got a lot more freedom and independence to do what I want to do and not be restricted by time limits or having to answer to anyone about anything and everything I do outside of the house.

While being here I've been praying about what to do next year and I have a few options although I am struggling with what to do. My parents are also wondering what I'm doing next year which is fair enough but they aren't satisfied with the answer "I don't know." This is the only answer I can give because I'm still wondering myself what I'll be doing and I cannot prepare myself for it unless I know what I'll actually be doing. I want to get out of Northern Ireland, it's such a small country and everything seems so happy and comfortable here, too comfortable to just go to university and live in Bangor for the rest of my life. That's something I definitely don't want to do, live in Bangor for the rest of my life! Or Northern Ireland for that matter. Somewhere else would be great, even better if it was outside the UK but hey, we'll see what happens.

This week we've been meeting the youth in Monkstown by attending the drop ins which are great to get kids off the streets doing goodness knows what! The youth that come in are all from the estate and they seem to be great fun and obviously very passionate about fifa and pool! I'm going to be with the girls here and I want to get to know them a bit more before I go and start up stuff with them. I've been chatting to them, hearing about school life and their families which is always a good place to start. Most of the girls are about 12 and are quite open to talking which is always helpful.

The youth in the church are very different. They are quiet and tame compared to the youth at the drop in. I'm not saying this is a bad thing because it means that I'll be able to start stuff up with them easier and they seem open to talk about anything that I'll talk to them about. I can't wait to work with the girls in the church and find out more about them.

At the minute everything is about relationship building and looking about the place, finding our way around Monkstown. We're going to join a gym here to try and get back into shape, well I have to get back into shape anyway as I seemed to go up a jean size in Romania somehow.

In other news, life without braces is amazing. I feel like I can smile without feeling like my mouth might be ripped out by the metal that was jagging into my cheeks and holding my teeth in an unnatural position until they rooted in that position. Plus its nice to have a clean white smile without purple rubber and silver metal in the way of my teeth.

That's all that's been happening so adios!

Charlotte x

Romania Blog!

I am going to open with this statement - I am going to be very honest and blunt in this blog, some of you may not like or agree with what you read and that is only my opinion. So let's get started! 

Romania is an amazing country and I have to say I didn't think that when I arrived. As we arrived into Budapest, we got out of the plane and then boom! The Eastern European smell and warmth hits your skin. Quite frankly, I didn't think much of Budapest at that moment in time. We then had to get a 4 hour minibus into Siria (the village I was going to be working in). We were shown around the house and I thought to myself, "how am I going to stick here for 6 weeks?!" One thing I will say about the ''me'' before Romania is that I was very stuck up with where I stayed and the fact that we had a single bed and I was sleeping in a sleeping bag terrified me! I didn't know if the bed had bed bugs or if there were spiders and mice crawling along our floor, I was completely stuck up and non appreciative that I had a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. 

We slept in our house for a night, then went to this place called Touts camp. This was worse. I traveled in a van with 5 people I didn't know and one of them (Dan) was interrogating me on the way there (no offense if you're reading!) It was all a bit much to say the least, plus I was tired so when we got to working there I had a little bit of a melt down and just cried because I felt homesick and was tired and was now sleeping in a rock hard bed, again not appreciating the fact I had a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. Touts was made of introductions and Lee talking us through what Networks (the organization we were working for) was and all that business. I was then very thankful to return to the comfort of mums and babies! While I was in Touts I realized that God was sending me pictures of rough seas a lot and at first couldn't see what it was God was trying to tell me but, after a lot of prayer God revealed to me that I should always trust in Him and I won't sink if I keep my eyes on Him. We then launched into work and to be honest, the first day was observing what was going on in community and it didn't really hit me until we were about 4 weeks in and then did I only feel the emotions Siria was having on me. 

One incident that really broke my heart was with a little girl called Manuela. We were sitting on the stairs of Eden (the hub of Siria), and Manuela was playing with me, having fun and a lady came over and hit Manuela on the head. Manuela came crying to me looking for affection so I provided and that was fine. Then the same lady pulled Manuela from a window ledge which was the same height as her and Manuela fell straight on her back, she ran to me to make it better. She then asked me to carry her home, and on the way my arms were getting tired so I put her down and she panicked thinking I was going to leave her but I assured her I was going to stay, she then told me she didn't like this lady because she hurt her. Manuela is 4 or 5 years old. I cannot help but feel emotional, even as I type this story, I wonder what has happened to her today. It breaks my heart that this is her every day life. These people do all they can to get by and with winter coming up that becomes so much more difficult as temperatures dip to around -30 degrees. It is literally survival of the fittest. Some of those kids don't have shoes or warm clothes to wear. They can't go to the toilet outside because it'll be too cold, so where do they go? You can imagine. They just stay in because it's a bit warmer than outside, the small wood burning stoves take the bite off the freezing temperatures. 

Who are we to complain about not having a good enough car? Who are we to complain about the clothes we buy and wear? We have no right. None at all. We definitely have more than enough to get by and these people don't have enough to get by, yet they still manage. Our western culture should be ashamed to be so engrossed in materialistic things! God really showed me that I should be thankful for everything I have and realize that I am very, very lucky. I can now stay in different places and be completely fine with the standard, I pretty much always eat what's given to me now, because I know others don't have as much food as I do. 

I am a weak, petty, materialistic, human. At the end of the day, society is bringing me up this way, and the scary thing is, if I have children they will be brought up like that too. That makes me sad. Children that won't explore because of an Xbox, children that don't climb trees and scuff their knees because they don't want to run about in the garden or play park with their friends. The children I have met in Siria are the most creative children I have ever met! Their toys are dangerous but they make them because otherwise, they won't have any toys.

My point is this: you and I value things according to their earthy value. I often get asked if I'm getting payed for this gap year and I answer no. They say, then why are you doing this? I answer, because God wants me to serve Him and get out of my comfort zone. I have no idea what I'll be doing next year but I know God has an amazing plan for me that is best for me! God knows best and his plans won't hurt us. 

God bless,

Charlotte x